I had made a big step towards my life.

Been thinking a lot, a real lot. These days I felt like a part of my brain had been taken away. I did things that i didn't dare to do before, and never thought of doing. My naive self and my stubbornness masked my logical and rationale part of me. I didn't dare to make any decisions. One day, some strange force pushed this cowardly attachment out from me, and gave me a kind of belivable strength to make up my mind. It happened 3 days ago. 12th Feb 2008.

Many people resist changes, i'm part of them. It had been 2 years, 2 months and 23 days, that I stayed in a relationship with my boyfriend - Vic. We shared a lot of secrets within this period of time. Many many things what couples did or do. But now i'm letting it go. I want to be out of this relationship. I feel a need to be out of this relationship. It would have been a comfortable position to stay on.. Nevertheless, the reasons for me to leave are too many. I knew that the longer i stayed, the more destructive it becomes. It spreads like wild fire. I know i need to leave.

The reasons... too many to name. Fundamentally, we're already shaky. We argued many times, so much so that it tires both of us. Big to small. Everything. I do not wish to quote any examples. But other than arguing, it's expectations. I found it hard for him to accomodate to my world, comprising parents as well. In return, i got to know him better as a person. He, do not appreciates me much either. Perhaps, only my companionship. I am nothing but a pile of shit i think. I caused his studies to fall. caused his temper to rise. caused his loneliness and depression (now). arrrrrr. it's all me.

Women's youth are limited... do not waste it on the wrong man. =)

For what i'm worth... I will search myself thoroughly, in and out, what is it exactly that i need. What do i want? what am i looking for? How am i going to display it? What are my qualities i can further expand and weakness to further erase and learn. I want to further understand myself more. I want... to better myself...

*~<3~*

For if it is there, that there is really anyone who is waiting for me. For what he's worth, i must be his best. I must be the best for myself, and for him. I want to be his pride. When he talks about me, he feels radiant and energised.
For what i'm worth, he will be my best in everything that I see in him, my parents see in him, he will be my world, the reason for my breath. He will too be my pride, one whom i look up on him, with respect and admiration.

Now.

Let the past memories of everything be gone with the wind. I'll live my life as if it's my last now. Nothing of low priority and importance should never hinder my future paths again. I will be strong. For the future, must DEFINITELY BE BRIGHT! =D

Labels: Determined.