I came to realise something valuable.

If you do not know yourself well enough, sure enough, you are very likely to be seen through like a transparent glass by others who went through much more ordeals than yourself. Either which, you can least expect anyone too, to understand you.


Incidentally, no one ever shut themselves with "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!"instead of going around telling people "I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF!" "

There are many reasons to why people say these.

These people hadn't been able to take control of their own life, make decisions for their life and stick with the consequence that follows on. They are people who do not take initiative, but besides initiative, they hadn't been proactive people who knows what is their end in mind. What do you see in yourself? Do you know what's your strength and weaknesses?

For me, i had more or less identified them. Theres an internal conflict with what I'm required of and what i can provide. I can't work that out. I thought, all along, there's someone who can. Apparently, it's not really in that way as I thought would be. The closer i'm being held naked and the longer i'm bring told I'm seen through, which really happened, the more i cowered with fear.

I fear myself. I fear the drastic decision and actions I will take in the end to cease such conflict. It's depressing enough to fight it alone.

It's even more depressing to see myself stark naked in the eyes of my mum. So, all along, what i wanted was to just follow a great leader. Has he came into my life already, or am i still waiting for him?

I feel stupid. Everyone whom i spoke to is telling me I'm a like total failure.



but fuck u.



I'll make my way through. whether u understand it or not, my euphoric pleasure comes in when i understand it myself more than anyone. Don't try timing my success. I'll fight this battle alone. So be it. Anyway, you will come to realise it sooner or later after I've make my actions clear. By then, there should be an understanding established already. And don't ask me. I hate to explain.

Labels: I love to be unaccountable, it's MY CHOICE.