最近的心情非常混乱， 搞得身边的人都为我担心。 然而， 我却还继续自暴自弃， 心情如美丽的晴天转为暴风雨， 又再转变成了阴天。 一整天一副泄气的样子， 真的很像刚被抽完气了的气球。 不仅如此， 我的思绪也影响了我身边的人。 显然地， 我的言行举止， 也开始变得非常的怪异， 说的话和做的事都不搭配。 真是糟糕。。。 这样的我， 精神上的叛乱， 折磨了一个冷静思考的头脑。 我开始无法冷静下来， 想天想地、 想死想熬、 想叛想定、 想情想钱。 哎！！！ 真的“去笑”（ki siao）了！！！

又是令人泄气的一天。

怎么我会面临这样的局面啊！！！ 真是想不透！ 其实也没什么大不了的事情， 想开了自然能够“放轻松”。 每个人也同样经过的过程， 我却摸不过去？！ 真的很气馁！ 怎么我就不能够像别人一样， 乘机享受一番？ 没有钱就不能享受吗？ 就没有了资格吗？ 怎么自己把自己的人生弄得阴霾？ 难道非要把自己搞跨了，精神崩溃了，我才学会怎样“放开”？ 真是自讨苦吃！！！死了也活该！

气馁有何用处？？？

就像鸿川说的，

“生气有用吗？能解决问题吗？如果不能，生气也没有用，就放开吧！没有理由让自己继续消沉下去，就算消沉了又怎样？能解决问题吗？事情如果不想办法解决， 问题它还是存在着的。”

这句话说得一点也没错！ 但是， 我要几时才能够真正了解， 真正做到他所说的呢？ 当我听到他说的这句话， 倔强的心不禁晃了一晃。 真的不知道要怎样回复这一番话。 所以。。。 我又选择了强辩。 赢不了， 但至少从中也了解了许多。 我了解事情的方式就是属于“强辩性”的。 即使我说出了没有分量的废话， 我得到的却是富有智慧的回答。 得以我回了家之后， 慢慢地嚼着脑里刚被我硬硬塞得满满的学问； 而那是我在当时， 强力拒绝又反对的立场。

我就是这样子。

自我中心为主， 被称为DIVA。 只在乎环绕在我身边的事情、 变动、 人物。 从来都不对“除了我以外” 的“新鲜咨询” 产生任何的兴趣。 其实我也已经察觉到了我这样性格上的问题。 我有对此问题进行改正， 尽量不要太顾自己的需要， 也要顾虑他人的感受和想法。 我知道我还做得不够好， 但是除了给予我多点时间之外， 我也实在想不出一个两全其美的妙计。 固执， 真的很麻烦！！！ 死不认输的性格， 更麻烦！！！！！！！！

改编自己的人生吧！

不是改变而已， 是改编。 需要重整， 需要从别人的经验/痛苦中吸取教训。 把心扇开大！ 我要把我的心开得大大地！ 我要学会看开！ 我要学会聆听！ 我必须学会。。。 这样我才不负所望， 让我的父母， 鸿川， 妹妹为我感到欣慰。

原来， 我才在成长过程中， 走了那么一小段的路。 还经不起大风吹、暴风雨。 这样的我， 根本不算什么。 垃圾都谈不上。 因为， 我没有走过垃圾走过的旅程。 这样的我， 没有资格泄气， 更没有资格让给予我生命的父母， 看到我在我的生命油上黑色的漆！

我实在是太惭愧了。。。

Labels: 林洁仪，加油哦！

i hate the fact that i'm allergic to alcohol.

i'm gonna get rid of it.

..
...
....

cuz i love vsop martell. darn. very addicted to it already.

some weird changes in me is going on. I guess i'm too bored. Time to try out new stunts. I hope i won't pick up bad habits as i go along. >_<

i wanna party so much............................................ =(

Labels: party mood... =(

it's already very late... but i can't sleep. it's ok, really ok to not sleep yet. what matters is what i'm feeling at this point in time that sets me in thoughts - happy thoughts... very very happy thoughts. i cannot bear to sleep. what if i don't wake up tomorrow? then i think again..

"at least.. i finally understand what it means by this sentence...

‘其实爱对了人，情人节每天都过'

Even if i don't wake up tomorrow...

I celebrated, happily, my valentines' day with someone i love deeply."

I'm smiling.

I embrace this deep seated feeling in my heart. I'm happy now, way happier than before... I know for sure. If one day something shall happen unto me, and I'm lost forever, this deep feeling is almost impossible to erase. Fairy tale like... I don't want it to go away ever.

Although, sometimes life can get a bit dull, I am still happy. I get to see you still. I am really very very happy. So, please don't self blame, please don't apologise. Things will work out definitely. I just need to take a few jump-arounds to feel energised.

I'm smiling.

Everyday I want to thank you. Thank you for bring so much happiness in my life. It's a simple joy. This moment in time, someone may search for a lifetime. I thank God everyday.

I love you, Mr. Tang.

Thank you for letting me in your life.

Labels: Thank You... Lewis.

Oh mi gosh... Recently I've been spending like too much already! However, saying this makes me feel so happy =D

1. Christian Dior - Pure Poison Parfum 100ml - $167

2. Gucci Embossed Belt - $4xx (for dardar)

3. Longchamp Bag - $185

4. Coach Bag (Big square) - $675

5. Meals - Totalled up to around - $100


darn... i've spent like over a thousand.

ArGh. I can't live without money~! Better earn more before i spend it all...

So i'm going to get more stuff really, I'm getting more and more bimboish, but it's good isn't it? At least i find a meaning to earning money though... DUH!

1. Montblanc Pen (ladies), blue jewel, engraved - $600

2. LV Alma epi leather -$1500

3. LV Black epi leather belt - $567

4. Gucci Big leather tote, shiny brown leather outline - $950

5. Christian Dior make up base, light shade technology + SPF -$75

6. Aigner, white bag with golden underlining and light brown leather - $780

7. Burberry round pink leather bag - $1200

*loves*

***********

Talking about Lewis's birthday =D

Well, im so happy to see him happy upon receiving his gift. *loves*

In fact, his friends celebrated with him + me his birthday on sat, which is 28th june la... We ate steam boat... hmmm somehow i'm just not feeling good about the outing, like i'm outcasted or what, not part of the gang and i feel like i'm not in place. I can feel as though his friends are "avoiding" me in a way. I don't know though, perhaps i'm too sensitive. But duh... what if i'm not? duhh...

after that went to this Rowell Pub to drink la... forever going to this ah neh place.. boring.. and a lot of a gua... hehe.. overall not bad though... drank martell green tea... quite a bit... surprised that i did not get drunk and rashes.

Well... I was almost drunk yesterday after drinking red wine.. Somehow Red wine are more "permeable" than hard liquer? Get drunk quite fast man.. Was drinking with Lewis and Kenneth at Oasis yesterday, this "WOLF BLASS" Yellow Lable ... Hiong ah... get so tipsy topsy after my 5th glass ... and gotta be sent back to Lewis's house by a cab.. can't even walk properly.. LOL...

but the wine's good... sweet... =)

Labels: Beaut. Bags. Bimbo. Loves...