haven't been updating my blog for many days le...

life's not that fantastic though... did u catch the hint of my typewritten-tone? "sound" kindsa drag ya.....

well to start with, i shall juz annouce my employment status and life in my new working area ba.

So I am currently working with Sun Microsystems as their Top Accounts Services Sales Associate. Ah ha, this mayyyyyyyy be one of the dream jobs "slackers" like me will love. wahaha xD.. how sO? See below bullets for my welfare ba~!~! xD

• I can work from home (Access system from Home lor)
• I can work late and leave early (Can come at 10am even)
• Top Accounts are HUGE Accounts, therefore little is needed to be done
• I belong to 80% administrative, 20% sales
• Lunch time can be extended to as late as 2 hours (not a prob)
• Its an American STYLE~~~ (freedom rules!)

weLL... welfare being welfare. Of course i DO set a standard for my OWN DISCIPLINE lah~

I arrive to office at around 9.30am   o.o okok la, 9am no one in office leh... (or rather no one arrived yet at my department...)

However...

-_- this job requires a lot of my brain cells. Seriously I hadn't been absorbing so many things for a long time and i'm pretty amazed by my comprehension level with all these IT IT Stuff. lOl. I love there. =X

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Alright... Deviate a lil here.

haizzzzz...

Family expectations again.

I am drilled down to a point where i really wish to speak to no one. Forever and ever they will have problems with my BGR. When it comes to my need for Freedom, I'm never showered. I snatch it for myself, fight for it and really, to the point of extreme defiance. This thought of defying and standing firm has been on my mind for as long as i started out my puberty. I sense mental abuse and feel fear for losing, hence I had not changed all these years. I did not walk out of my family, how ever they raved and ranted... I am grasped by my solid foundation of Filial Piety. Breaking this defences down is near impossibility u see, why??? JUST WHY am i FORCED to break this last level of defending fortress? Why can't they respect me of my personal space, privacy and my room to breathe? Can't I be left alone to grow? 

-it repeats itself over and over again-

do you know how hard it is to fight for your own happiness? they fear you fall. they fear the "further consequence" of you falling, not your "immediate consequence", like, pain/ fracture.

I feel like crying everyday.

Please forgive me. I will plan a drastic change. Perhaps, even to someone you never wished u knew. N that's your 'real daughter'. N that's the REAL ME.