carrying a heavy heart now..
just had a conversation which was depressing.
i always find many questions unanswered.
no matter how i try to pry the mouth open for one.
we were talking not-very-casually.
my intent was serious and sensible...
but the mind was crashed by the speeding & oncoming shock...


"we made a pact to die young ....."


that opened up all the unspoken truths...
showed me all the reasons why somethings,
just don't happen to be on the right paths.


was that an impulse..
the difference of ideas immediately flood me.
the molecules broken up into atoms and sank my heart...
broke into my nervous system...
and i went berserk at instant.


i couldn't think logically.
the words attacked me at my subconscious mind...
it's impact so deep,
i wanted an end.


i couldn't accept it...

"it was just a joke..."

i was told.


was it?
it doesn't seem to be one.

"different aspect in life will change ur wish de"

i agree totally...
but,
why did you say that inappropriate "joke".. at an inapproriate moment?
the only thing i fail to understand now is...
where is the trust?
can i trust you further?
shall we put everything on hold...
i don't seem to be able to get a grip of myself.
i'm losin' it.
all the more i feel a warm gush rising to my bottom lids...


how much had u put in effort,
and how much you had shown me of your love...
i had understood..
a word which dashed a lot of my belief...
must come from you.
as much as i can still hear my voices in my heart...


"I still believe..."

"Please bring us blessings..."

"Can we still hold happiness in our hands?"


can you turn back time and take back what you said?
can i please... take back what i said...?
please let me not realise what was not supposed to be known...
please let me not err and act on an impulse...


i'd rather be kept in lies forever...