It's been some time since i blogged, now i'm back to blogging some serious stuff which I had finally gathered myself and put my courage to words.

It is my 2nd driving lesson today, and the 2nd time I heard this question posed to me, "why did you not learn driving when you were 18 back then?" and "you're quite good in handling a car, you learnt it before?"

By right, if i heard all these, my peacock nature will fan out my flamboyant tail and start bragging how talented i am and tell them a whole cock and bull stories that I SHOULD CONTROL THE CAR AND NOT THE CAR CONTROL ME .... blablablablah....

I did not feel happy. Just what on earth had I been doing all these years to land me up in this state with a heavy baggage of debts unpaid for, and this sense of unimportance about myself, the parasitic state where i'm feeding on money which is not mine... Just, what had I done, which I did not get my driving license when I was 18 years old?

Looking at myself in the mirror now reminds me of how useless and rubbish I really am.

Now I'm embarking on a new career. One which I had no passion for, but a burning desire to fight out of my comfort zone ASAP. Yes. I need to start acknowledging this... "i hate sales." As much as I am hating it, I need to overcome to love it. Everyday I pray to God, "GIVE ME SALES... I NEED SALES, GIVE ME SOME SALES..." In action, I am approaching 150 people every single day. I want to write it down clearly here, because I really want to close at least 2 cc per day.

Why is it so normal and easy for so many people and I am unable to do so?!

Just what is it in myself that prevents me from getting 2 cc a DAY?!

WHY IS IT JUST ME??

NOW HOW CAN I IMPROVE MYSELFFFFFFFFFFFFFF?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M GETTING CRAZY!

OH GOSH... ! Oh man, oh yes, alrite. OK.

Can I start to plan that by the time Lewis Tang comes back to Singapore I'm promoted to a Corporate Trainer already? 1st October 2009.

As I see many couples traveling together to many countries, I can't help it but to start feeling envious...

While my darling he's in Jakarta, Indonesia, WE already are suffering from huge loss of income due to my uselessness. He's saving up a lot to help us to tide over and I'm still stuck with my stubbornness with my spending habits.

Sometimes I just wish I can be struck hard and impactfully, the importance of money NOW NOW NOW and i can go out to GRAB GRAB GRAB...

People asked me before.

"Laura, what is your dream? What do you aspire to be?"

I used to be unable to answer them.

However, presently, I am able to do so... PLEASE GIVE ME A 2ND CHANCE...

"My dream is to be an owner of my company. I aspire to build a huge sales force and manage them. I used to wish to have 1 million dollars before, and do not know what's the use and feel of getting it. Now I will fight my way to getting from $0 dollars per month, to $3000 per month. Thereafter, 3 month after $3000 per month, I will be earning $5000 per month. Thereafter once again, 4 months after $5000 per month, I will be earning $8000 per month. It will fall directly on 30th June 2010 when I had left Sun Microsystems."

This.

Is my dream.

The goal is to earn $12000 per month. To maintain a lifestyle. To get married. To have a family. To develop a different lifestyle for my parents and siblings. To enhance love and establish a firmer relationship between all my peers, my inner circle of strength and personal development.